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heartswithholes

by Mess

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1.
bloodlines 04:34
all the flies in the room had their eyes on you. your head dug between her shoulders. you wish you'd told her before she got the news that you'd be home soon, but you can't help your bleeding. you have splinters under your fingernails from the wood on your father's house. he built it from nothing, like he built you from nothing but the bones of his burning spouse, but you can't help your breathing. you have purple hands. bare your baby teeth. this is not what you had planned, so bury yourself in sleep. wash your purple hands of it. pull out the last of your baby teeth. burn your bridges; burn your plans. this is not theirs to keep. this is your home to keep.
2.
enough 04:35
i think i could've loved you if there was a little more in your chest. i am holding on tightly to the wrong side of the bed. i am sleeping well at night. i am not terrified of the dark anymore, but my eyes are sore. i don't owe you my body. you're rotting me from the inside out. i think i could've loved you if your hands were clean, but please don't touch me. i dare you to call it love to cling to someone. i dare you to call it what it is, love. it's not enough.
3.
soak 03:35
i think it's something in me. i can only feel you till our tongues meet. you fell asleep with a different face, and i just soak in the mess we both made. when i tell you i love you, will you believe me? when we're in your bed, will you forget that you love me? will you still love me? have you learned it yet— how to forgive me without turning blood-red? have you learned it yet— how to hold my heart without strangling it? when we're in your bed, will you forget that you love me? say that you love me.
4.
loose ends 03:05
she has to know you better than i do by now. she has to know how to talk you down when your body swells and your head's too loud. she has to know by now. your skin makes me sick, but knowing you're around keeps me from losing it. i think i'm losing it. she's pulling at your loose ends. i think you wish i were dead. i wish i were. she's holding your hair and kissing your neck. my mind's a wreck. no, i haven't slept in that filthy bed since the night you left. darling, i'm a mess.
5.
innocence 04:10
give it up. we're not the way we were when you were seventeen. we held our breaths for too long, and you fell in love with the wrong version of me. i know we're innocent. i know. you can't escape it— growing up and getting older. and you can't erase it— what you thought you wanted when you were younger. i know we're innocent. i know. you can stop calling, love, to say you're not thinking of me, and i will stop writing, love.

credits

released August 12, 2017

Recorded in Edwardsville, IL at Bird Cloud Recording

Mixed and Engineered by Ryan Wasoba
Mastered by Joel Hatstat

Album Photography by Jorden Durkee

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Mess Kansas City, Missouri

the dust between your sheets

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